


Is it raining in heaven?

by lyllytas



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angelic Possession, Anxiety, Depression, Flashbacks, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape, Rape Recovery, Torture, power binding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:34:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22297888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyllytas/pseuds/lyllytas
Summary: Not everyone is happy with how the Powers that Be handled things
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 91





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have SO many drafts. I'm just trying to do a little bit of cleaning up. Mind the tags y'all.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley meets a very bad angel. Aziraphale helps pick up the pieces.

Crowley shifted casually against the bar. This wasn't really his scene. Sure, it was one he projected, but he didn't actually enjoy it. He'd rather be in the bookshop drinking wine with his angel. But now that the world didn't end, he wanted to blow off some stress. He'd been going for 'cheeky tart' when he got dressed, and had let his hips sway more when he'd gotten his drink from the bartender.

Sweet cocktail, and an inviting demeanor, he wouldn't be alone long.

And someone had taken the bait.

A man, maybe in his mid 30's, with tan skin and sleek curly hair tied back, a short sharp beard and pierced ears.

They'd both flirted for a bit before Crowley had suggested going back to the man's place, and he'd been oh so willing to oblige. The demon didn't even have to do any tempting, just using his regular voice. Humans were easy to read. This one was looking for a good time, and that was exactly what Crowley had in mind.

<~>

The walk to the man's flat was filled with random mindless chatter. His name was David, and he was an accountant. That didn't really matter to him, he'd forget it in the morning. The flat turned out to be a studio. They went upstairs and David offered him a drink. Crowley smirked. “I think I'd rather have something else.” Crowley eyed him.

David pulled him off the sofa and backed him against the wall.

“This what you were thinking?”

Crowley smirked. “Read my mind. Now are you going to snog me proper or leave me hanging?”

They kissed. Crowley had kissed lots over the years, and kissing David was enjoyable. The human knew what he was doing.

Suddenly the kiss went from deliciously wet to molten lava against his tongue. “MRG,” he tried to pull back to demand an explanation but the human mirrored his motions and used his hands to hold Crowley in place while that burning tongue kept exploring his mouth. The wall behind him was solid and he couldn't break the human's grasp. That wasn't right. He was stronger than humans. He looked into the man's eyes and saw _It._ The man was being controlled. He could feel it now that he was searching, a heavenly presence.

Crowley started to worry. He didn't know what the angel was here for, but whatever he had done to the human burned. He couldn't get free, all he could do was take it. He writhed in pain, trying to get away, but the angel held him down with it's powers.

“We knew you'd tempt. It's what demon's do.“ the human/angel puppet spoke. The human's voice sounded funny.

 _Not quite used to speaking. Probably it's first time having a body_ , Crowley thought, and then wondered why his mind bothered to wonder about these things when there were clearly more pressing matters that needed attention.

No matter what the angel/human thought, he wasn't even really tempting tonight. He'd just been bored. And sins of the flesh were barely even temptations. They didn't require much skill or creativity. It was just something to pass time. “Go on then, lecture me about what all demons do.”

The angel/human - they, Crowley decided because it was definitely not the time to ask about pronouns and if the angel had a preference. The human might be male, but who knew about the angel. They cocked their head to the side, studying him.

“Oh, I can see what you were planning.” They taunted him. “Such fiendish thoughts. You wanted to use the human. Get yourself off, maybe let the human suck your dick before you took him. Is that what I should do to you?”

“You'll Fall.” Crowley said, trying not to panic. His mouth felt funny, numb and tingly. Like one big blister. “Those are demon thoughts, human things. Not Heavenly.”

“ _Maybe_ I'll fall. But you'll be _punished for real this time.”_ The angel pinned his arms down by his side and pulled him off of the wall and to the bed that was across the room. They ripped off Crowley's shirt.

“We didn't know if this would work. Aziraphale was the one who proved to us that angel's could possess people. And we both know he's not as _holy_ as he should be.”

They licked lines on Crowley's chest. The demon tried to tear away from those line of fire, his spine bending and arcing against the mattress beneath him.

“We weren't sure if Grace would come along with possession. That, and if you survived holy water, perhaps Grace wouldn't work either.”

Crowley fought against him, but the angel kept a tight grip on him. They dragged their tongue up Crowley's neck, and sucked one of the demon's earlobes into their mouth. Crowley tried to hide his whimper of pain, tried to struggle away. He might have been able to do it eventually, but then the angel pulled back, a smirk on the mortal's face.

“With all this time to prepare for you, you don't think we would have planned ahead, made sure you weren't going anywhere?” They brought their arm down, saying a few words and powered up the circle that had been carefully crafted under the bed.

Crowley instantly went still. He couldn't move, not even to breathe or speak. His eyes were frozen open.

“Now that's much better.” The angel released the demon's hands and pushed Crowley backwards, licking molten lines with his tongue all over Crowley's skin.

Then they reached up to grab his short hair with one hand. their other hand clumsily unbuttoning their pants.

Crowley panicked then. He was trapped in his own body. He couldn't stop whatever this angel was planning.

The angel snapped away their clothes in frustration.

 _Well_ , this evening wasn't going the way the demon had planned in the slightest bit.

“Hm.” The angel considered the logistics. They adjusted Crowley, spinning him around and manhandling him until he was sprawled sideways on his back in the bed, his head hanging off the side. “Much better.” They stroked themselves into hardness. “I have a theory. If saliva carries Grace, do you think other things do too? I hear the humans have another fluid. Takes a bit of work though. Guess I'll test that theory out first.”

Crowley's eyes slightly widened in terror. He couldn't feel his powers. He couldn't stop this. All he could do was watch as the angel stepped closer and pried open his mouth.

“Oh those teeth just won't do. Much too sharp.” They snapped and Crowley's teeth were gone, all plucked out. The angel could have just miracled them gone. But they'd chosen to just rip them out.

“That's better.” They pushed fingers into Crowley's mouth, holding his head in place. They were apparently satisfied and pushed their hardness down Crowley's throat, moving jerkily. The demon wanted to gag, but the circle kept him frozen.

Blood from his gums trickled down his throat and fell on the floorboards, drool too. It was never ending. The Angel just kept pounding into his throat, their movements may have been slightly off, but it was slowly doing what the angel wanted. And it wasn't like time really mattered to them.

If Crowley had been human, he surely would have passed out from not breathing. He felt the pre-cum burning his throat and tears trickled from his eyes. _Oh_ , when the angel came there was such pain shooting down his throat. The angel pushed forward as they came deep down his throat, hips jerking as they pulsed. And when they pulled out, the cum burned his throat and lips. Crowley managed a strangled whine.

The angel looked down at him. “Impressive. You shouldn't even be able to make a sound. And yet you are.” They raised an eyebrow, taunting. “But you can't move. Can you? Did you enjoy lying there and taking it?” They patted Crowley's cheek. “It hurts, doesn't it? Isn't that the sort of thing demons are into?”

They tore off his trousers and pants. Crowley was naked and on display, and there was nothing he could do. They rolled Crowley over so that he was in the middle of the bed, face down on the pillows.

“Well, this won't do either.” They grabbed the bloody pillows and used them to prop Crowley up to a position they liked.

The demon felt sick to his stomach. He wished his body would revolt. The cum burned with grace and he was face-down in a pool of his own blood,drool and tears. His throat torn and ravished and his arse was on display.

It _hurt._ The angel ravished him brutally. It felt like it lasted for hours. Finally after pushing into him a few more times, their seed filled the demon and they bit down hard on Crowley's shoulder as they came.

And it burned oh how it burned. He felt like he was burning from the inside out.

The angel pulled out of him and snapped David's clothes back on. He reached forward to pull Crowley’s head back. “That's a little something to make sure this sticks with you. You're not untouchable, demon. We know that now. and I may fall for this, but there are plenty more willing to step up and teach you what our superiors will not.” He dropped Crowley’s head back onto the mattress.

“You still feel too defiant. I'm not sure you learned your place.

Crowley _was_ defiant; and angry, scared, and in so much pain. But pain was an old acquaintance of his. He wanted to scream. Whether it was because he hurt or was furious, he wasn't sure.

The angel moved, digging his hands into his back, and ripped out the demon's wings with a little effort of his own. His hands raked through the demon's wings roughly before grabbing a fistful of feathers. “What do you think grace does to wings?”

They burned.

<~~>

The circle dissolved in eventually. The angel must have left the Earth finally. Crowley had laid there for hours, trapped, silently crying; his eyes leaked, but he couldn't do anything else. Just stare at the passed human the angel had taken over. The human would remember nothing, most likely. And once Crowley felt his powers start to return, he pulled his tattered wings close to his body and _imagined_ that he was safe. He knew his powers would take him home. Hell had done worse to him. He'd sleep for a few days, let his body heal and repress the whole thing. It was what he did. It hurt now though. Hurt so much. Safe. He wanted to be safe.

<~~>

“Crowley?”

He heard when he re-materialized. That was wrong. There was hard wood under his hands and knees not the soft sheets of his bed.

“Crowley, what's happened?! You're hurt!”

Aziraphale. his mind supplied. He trembled. “Not... _home._ ” So much pain. He tried to focus on the pain, push it back. _Fuck_ , he wasn't ready to deal with Aziraphale right now.

“You're not going back to your flat, not like this! All alone.” Aziraphale inched closer. “You're not even dressed, where are your clothes?” There was _so_ much blood. Was it Crowley’s? “I have a perfectly fine bed upstairs.”

“Zra.” Crowley panted.

“You can lay down and tell me what happened while I see about fixing you up.”

Nononno, Aziraphale would see, he'd know. Crowley's eyes widened anxiously.

Aziraphale could feel Crowley trying to pull his powers to him, trying to miracle himself away. That simply wouldn't do. Aziraphale snapped his fingers before Crowley could act, transporting them both upstairs into his bedroom.

Crowley did panic at that. Feeling the soft bed under his knees, hands working their way through feathers. _Touching._ He made an inhuman noise of pain, and he scrambled to get away. _Hands in his wings. There are hands in his wings._ He fought to get free. _“stooop, stoop!”_

“Crowley! Calm down!” Aziraphale pulled his hands back.

Crowley cried, tears spilling down his cheeks. He burned. He could still feel those hands on him. Aziraphale wasn't supposed to be here. He needed time to pull himself together. His oangel would see. He'd know.

“Crowley, whatever happened, you're _safe_ here.” Aziraphale said trying to project as much calm into the words. Speaking low and soothing words to try and calm the demon down. _Oh_ how it hurt to see his friend like this.

“Dear boy, please let me see to all this blood!”

Crowley kept making those garbled broken noises, trying to get away from something, his eyes distant and unseeing.

Aziraphale stepped forward. “I'm sorry about this.” He said bringing his hand forward. “Sleep.” He touched Crowley's forehead and used a miracle. Crowley instantly slumped down in his arms and Aziraphale tried to figure out what to do. The blood dripping down Crowley's neck and onto his chest was probably the best place to start. If there was an injury, he'd need to see too it. Perhaps Crowley had eaten some poor creature and that's where all this blood was from....

But when he opened Crowley's jaw, he stared in shock. The demons fangs, and. all of his teeth had been pulled out. His gums were oozing blood. So much. He couldn't regrow the teeth, but he could at least stop the bleeding and take the pain from the burns. He brushed out with his powers, urging his gums to heal. He felt something he didn't understand then, but seeing to his friend was more important.

Once that was done, he took a fresh wet dishcloth and used it to clean up the blood covering Crowley’s chest. There were thin burn marks all over his chest, neck and back, and his wings, _oh_ his wings. Aziraphale didn't even know where to start with them. His wings were burnt in some places, feathers had been torn out in others, and others were bent or broken off. Someone had tortured his dear boy, and the demon had been so afraid.

Aziraphale continued his careful examination. There was an ugly deep bite-mark on Crowley's shoulder that would need seeing too, he flicked all the supplies into existence when the bite mark refused to vanish. It would be treated the human way then. There were deep bruises on his hips - and Aziraphale _knew_ how much force it took to mar the pale demon's flesh. He got a sinking feeling in his gut, the pieces slowly falling into place.

They wouldn't! He cast his eyes down, could see the burns between Crowley's buttocks and legs. He looked at Crowley, spread out on his bed – broken.

And someone from Heaven had done this.

-

Crowley woke sometime later, his body going tense as tears gathered around his eyes. Aziraphale might not have noticed if he'd been paying less attention, But the demon stopped breathing, which was a habit he'd gotten used to in his time on Earth, which he only stopped when he was completely focused on whatever he was trying to do. He felt Crowley's demonic essence building up, but abruptly Crowley let out another shriek of pain as it reacted with the grace inside of him.

“Shh.” he tried to soothe Crowley, dabbing a cool cloth onto his forehead.

The demon's face crumpled as he sobbed.

“I know, it hurts. I'm sorry.” He kept dabbing. “I can, I can make you go back to sleep, if you trust me. It'll hurt less.”

Crowley nodded his head after a moment. “Urts.”

Aziraphale set down the towel and reached up to Crowley's face. “Sleep.” He commanded, willing it. “Sleep, my dear, I'll be here.” Once the demon was back under he felt his rage build back up. There were so many things he had questions about, but all he could do was try to keep his friend in as little pain as possible. He brushed his finger's through Crowley's hair and tried to think about who could have done this.

<~~>

Crowley slept as he healed. Aziraphale watched over him for weeks. Whenever the demon started whimpering, he laid a hand on his forehead and made him pleasantest dreams. He wondered what the demon was dreaming about, but at least he was at peace. It would be easier on Crowley if his wings were put away. Aziraphale didn't know why he was still human shaped. With the amount of pain the demon was in, he should have reverted back to his original form by now. Probably the grace inside him was preventing either thing.

And Aziraphale could barely do anything to ease the burns that were covering Crowley skin or to soothe the other aches that Crowley was enduring. Aziraphale's powers wouldn't touch the stubborn burns. He felt helpless. Healing with miracles was something that made up his very core. Not being able to heal this was distressing. Some little tears and scratches on Crowley he was able to mend but for the most part, He used human methods. He used burn creams, numbing gels, ice packs, and gentle touches with ice water. He made sure that Crowley slept through the worst of the healing, so he wouldn't feel it as much.

“zrrraa.” Crowley moaned, his tongue and throat torn.

“I'm right here dear boy.” Crowley had surfaced a few times. With the pain though, lucid moments were few. He dipped his towel into the bowl of cold water and patted it along Crowley’s face, and his neck. The bite-mark on his shoulder was bandaged.

“Urt”

“Sh...” He said as he rewetted it and dabbed the cloth along his cheek. “Will you let me put you to sleep again?”

Crowley scrunched his eyes closed and finally nodded his head.

Aziraphale ran his fingers through Crowley's hair with one hand, cradling his head. With the other he pulled down as if he was throwing something at Crowley’s face. _“Go to sleep now”._ Crowley went lax in his arms.

<~~>

It took several months of this before Crowley was able to do more than scream out in pain. The first thing he did was to put his wings away. He'd been laying on them all this time. Nothing to be done about them until they had a chance to molt. His teeth were regrowing and he poured his effort into pushing them along. That small bit of demonic effort wiped him out. He fell back onto the bed, glad to have the weight off his wings. He allowed himself to slip back into the darkness.

<~~>

Crowley sat up in the bed, The burns were mostly gone, faded away for the most part, but left scars. The bite on his shoulder hurt in a way that wounds that other demon's had inflicted had never managed to do to him. Tears sprang up in his eyes whenever Aziraphale put fresh ointment and bandages on it. His throat was still hoarse. He sounded very unlike himself; raspy and scratchy. But with his teeth at least he could talk proper again.

Aziraphale sat on the edge of the bed down by his feet, he awkwardly cleared his throat. “Crowley. It's been a few months. And I’m very happy you trust me to take care of you, although I know you'd rather me not see you like this. I meant what I said when I told you I'm on our side.”

“Point being?”

Aziraphale twisted his bow-tie. “I've been around for a very long time. I know what it looks like when someone forces themselves on another person.”

“Angel, no.” Crowley's grip tightened on the blanket and he looked away. “We are not talking about this.”

“Yes, we are.” He moved around the bed to look at Crowley. “Someone hurt you.”

“I'm a demon, it happens.” He shrugged. “Hell's all about torture.”

“But this wasn't Hell!” Aziraphale exclaimed.

“Yes it was!” Crowley ground his teeth.

“Crowley, I know what Demonic Essence feels like.” He put a hand on Crowley's knee without thinking. “I know what Grace feels like too.”

Crowley stared at him, pulling his legs away. “So what, Hell had some grace.”

“It doesn't work like that!” Aziraphale twisted his hands. “it's not like Holy Water. It starts to break down after it leaves the body. That's why you were able to get better eventually.”

Crowley looked away, defeated. He pulls his knees up to his chest. “Why does this matter?”

“This matters because someone from up there did _that._ ”

“So?” Crowley rolled his face against his knees, not looking up. “We already established 'the good guys' aren't always good.”

Aziraphale's face twisted. “But they _hurt_ you!”

“Better _me_ than _you.”_ His shoulders slumped.

“How can you _say_ that?” Aziraphale jumped up.

“I'm a demon, right?” Crowley looked up at him. “Pain and punishment and all sorts of terrible things come with Falling.”

“No, Crowley!” Aziraphale sided along the bed until he could reach Crowley’s hand. “There is _no excuse_ for that kind of behavior! Who did this?”

Crowley shook his head. “If I tell you, you'll try to do something stupid that will get us in even more trouble.” He sighed. The bite ached. “Doesn't matter anyways. I could feel it. Malice. Enjoyment. They won't be an angel much longer. Sides, something they said, about their superiors leaving us alone. I got the notion that some people are unhappy with how they dealt with us. You remember the last war up there?” He tilted his head. “Do you think I'd get credited with making an angel fall by letting them fuck me?”

Aziraphale grabbed the sides of Crowley’s face. “Please don't do that. Don't act like this doesn't affect you. You didn't let them do anything to you. They took. That's wrong. I'm so sorry.”

“Azira.” Crowley encircled Aziraphale's wrists. “What do you want me to do? Break down and cry? Make a fuss? That's what this last bit has been, now I'm mostly feeling like myself.”

“I don't want to watch you brush this off. What they did. You were so hurt. I was so scared.” Tears slipped down his cheeks.

“Scared? What would you be scared about?” Crowley stared at him. Why would Aziraphale cry for him?

“I was scared that … I always thought you'd be there, forever, and then suddenly I almost lost you. I don't know what I'd do without you. You're my best friend.” Aziraphale swallowed. “I was scared that after 6,000 years, I'd taken too long.”

Crowley's breath caught. “Too long?”

“I was worried I'd never get the chance to tell you how much you mean to me. You're the only being in all of creation who knows me, cares about me, bothers to be my friend. I love you.”

“Love?” Crowley bit his lip. “You're a being of love.”

“But you're _special!_ ”

“ _Oh._ ” Crowley felt like the air had been punched out of him.

“It's different. And that feeling has scared me for many, many years. But then I thought I was too late... and when you finally started getting better I resolved to tell you. I didn't want it to be like this. I had a whole thing planned out. I almost got you flowers, but I knew you'd make hate that!” He rambled nervously.

“You planned...” Crowley blinked up at him.

“Why yes, I did. I wrote it all out.” He dug a folded up paper out of one of his pockets. “When you started to get better, I sat down and wrote everything out. I wanted to make sure I got the important parts right. And I've buggered it up!” Aziraphale wiped at his face with his sleeve

“Come here.” Crowley tugged him down to the bed so that he was sitting on the mattress in front of him. “Aziraphale.” He leaned so that their foreheads were touching. You haven't buggered up anything.” He sighed. “This isn't how I wanted this conversation to go either. But when everything was said and done, I imagined myself somewhere safe, and my powers brought me to you.”

Crowley held up the folded paper to Aziraphale. “These are just words. You taking care of me, watching over me, Your actions speak. You're the only angel I trust. I've loved you since the garden. You spoke to me. I expected to be smite-ed. I thought I'd drop in and gloat after I made a disaster out of things and be sent, _Whoop,_ ” he mimed, “straight back down to Hell.”

“All these years...”

“I would have waited for you for as long as it took.” Crowley swallowed and pulled back with a grimace. His throat hurt from talking.

“Why don't I make you some herbal tea?” Aziraphale suggested. “With extra honey?”

Crowley closed his eyes. “See? Actions.”

“You rest then, I'll bring you the tea when it's ready, dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More comfort on the other side. The next chapter will be plenty of fluff to make up for this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley has a lot of trauma to recover from. Him and Aziraphale try to navigate it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recovery and Comfort

Crowley was so scared to leave the safety of the bookshelf. A lot of the time he couldn't even make it out of bed. It was a struggle to exist. The wounds on his body had healed to scars, but he felt new wounds on his heart and mind.

During the day, Crowley would chew his nails down to little black nubs that would grow back overnight. He didn't eat much, but that was normal for him. It frustrated him to no end that he wasn't enjoying their little ritual anymore. He'd always liked to see Aziraphale eat. The angel was happy, pleased and pleasant. But now the scrape of a fork hitting the plate distracted him. Aziraphale's attention being consumed entirely by something else made him nervous. Dinner was no longer a little delight. It was something he forced himself get through.

For months Aziraphale had watched over him, kept him safe, Aziraphale felt _safe,_ at least most of the time. Sometimes Crowley's brain would forget that he was his _Angel_ and would react to him like he was just an ordinary angel. Crowley always felt so guilty when his mind cleared up. Aziraphale just looked so hurt.

No matter how many times Aziraphale reassured him that his words and actions only caused sadness because someone had hurt _Crowley_ , the demon knew those pained looks were because of what he said, what he did. He was venomous, a cancer destroying the only good thing left in his life.

His sleep was plagued by nightmares, when he slept. He always had nightmares now. They ate at him. He couldn't even escape from the memories. They were _there_ waiting for him to close his eyes.

Aziraphale was in the backroom after one of Crowley's little blow ups at dinner. He just kept saying and doing the wrong things. Aziraphale had dropped his knife to the table by accident and the sound was so jarring. He'd exploded and stormed out. The demon curled up and cried. Why couldn't he just be himself again? He wept for hours. He was _disgusting._ Aziraphale had put up with him for so long, and now he'd pushed the angel away.

Eventually, Aziraphale must have heard him, for he knocked gently on the door.

“Crowley?” He called, voice concerned.

Crowley scrubbed at his face with his hands.

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah, _fine._ ” Aziraphale was always doing that now, asking for permission to do things. Most of the time it made him feel safe. The simple gesture was grating on his nerves now. He didn't want Aziraphale to walk around him on eggshells, or treat him like he was fragile. But it was his own fault that the Angel treated him like this. He turned in the bed, his back to the door, looking away.

Aziraphale opened the door, and looked at Crowley. In the months since things had happened the two of them had begun to find out how the bits of themselves fit together. It was a tad hard, since Crowley was so crushed from what happened to him, but they were making things work. One day they'd fit together perfectly.

Aziraphale was hovering. Crowley hated that. He turned in the bed to face Aziraphale. “ _What_?” He finally snapped.

“I just wanted to check on you.” Aziraphale fretted.

“Check on me? I'm _fine_ , see.” He gestured with his hand.

“I'm worried.” Aziraphale said plainly as he stepped closer to the bed. “You look exhausted, my dear boy. ”

Crowley frowned. “Haven't really slept in weeks.” He admitted.

“Why ever not?” Aziraphale looked dismayed.

Crowley picked at invisible lint on the tartan blanket with a frown. It was because he was _weak_ , his mind was weak.

“You need to sleep dearest, you've still got a lot of healing to do.” Aziraphale smoothed out the blankets on the bed. “Is it okay if I lie down with you?”

He shrugged. “It's your bed, Angel.”

Aziraphale grinned softly, laying down on the bed. Crowley adjusted to look at him better. Aziraphale ran a cool hand over Crowley's cheek. Soothed red rimmed eyes. “Would you like to talk about it, whatever is bothering you?”

Crowley inched closer and shook his head _no_.

“What if I just hold you for a little bit?” Aziraphale offered instead.

Crowley nodded after a moment, sliding closer and burrowing his nose into Aziraphale's chest. He was _safe_ here. Aziraphale watching over him. Even though he'd been _rotten_ to him earlier, Aziraphale was _still_ _here._

“I'm sorry.” He mumbled into Aziraphale's chest. “I didn't mean to yell.”

“I know. I'm not upset with you.”

“Please...” Crowley said after a moment.

“Please what?” Aziraphale carded his finger's through Crowley's hair. The demon had changed up his hairstyle again, long waves and curls that hit mid back. The angel thought Crowley's hair had always been lovely. He liked to play with it. And now he was free to do it whenever he wanted. The copper locks slid through his fingers. When Crowley spent a lot of time outside under the sun, his hair almost looked orange sometimes. And when he spent a lot of time inside, it looked redder. It was dark and limp now as he petted it waiting for Crowley to speak.

“Please don't leave me.” Crowley closed his eyes. He trembled a little and tried to force himself still.

“I won't.” Aziraphale continued to play with his hair. He sprouted his wings, wrapping them around the two of them. Crowley rested his forehead on Aziraphale's chest and the angel hugged him close. They laid like that for a while longer. Crowley kept repeating it go himself. _He was safe. Aziraphale was here._

“Why don't you sleep? Hm?”

“Don't want to.” Crowley finally admitted. The wings around him gave him courage.

Aziraphale waited patiently, one hand fiddling with Crowley’s hair, the other rubbing soothingly on his back. Crowley would talk whenever he was ready.

Crowley sighed, tensing up as he spilled his secrets. “When I try to sleep, it happens all over again.” Tears spilled over his cheeks. He was a demon, and here he was letting one little thing affect him so much? _Pitiful_.

Aziraphale shifted them, pulling back enough to see Crowley's face.

_'Look at you, so disgusting, he doesn't even want to touch you.'_

“Oh Crowley, I'm so sorry.” He wiped at the tears on Crowley's face with his handkerchief. “I've been trying to give you space, because I thought that was what you needed, and I've left you all alone.” He kissed Crowley's forehead. “If you let me,” Aziraphale wiggled his fingers, “I can help with your dreams.”

_'look at him, you can't even do something as simple as closing your eyes and sleeping.'_

“What's going through your mind right now?” Aziraphale folded the cloth and put it back in his pocket. “You look like you're a million miles away.”

“Sorry.”

“Goodness, _whatever_ are you apologizing for now?”

“I keep you here in the shop, ...Now I need you just to sleep.” He sighed. “Pathetic and greedy.”

“That's not true in the slightest.” Aziraphale cupped his cheeks in his hands. “I don't think that.”

Crowley looked up at him, quirking his eyebrows.

“I think you are very brave. And so strong. Life has beat you down time and time again, but you keep getting back up. I think you're scared, which you have every reason to be, but you don't have to be scared of me thinking less of you. I love you Anthony J Crowley. I'm here because I want to be. And because you let me.” he leaned down to kiss Crowley's hair. “You're safe here, you can relax. I won't let anything hurt you, not even your own thoughts.”

Crowley looked down again, his lips pressed together tightly.

“I'm not going anywhere. I'll stay right here by your side while you sleep.”

Crowley slumped back on his chest. “Promise?”

“I promise.” Aziraphale kissed the top of his head. “Just close your eyes.”

Crowley did.

<~~>

Crowley would slide away in his serpent form when he was scared and hide in dark corners. Never near a window. Someone might _see_ him then. Serpents couldn't cry, but he could wiggle into places that grabby hands couldn't reach him.

These times were getting less frequent. Crowley was still afraid to leave the bookstore, some days he was plastered to Aziraphale's side or draped around his neck as a snake. Some days he could sit across the room and watch him 'work'. Eventually he even made it into the shop while there were “customers”. Aziraphale was kind of waiting for Crowley to 'tempt' one of the people to buy a book, but he just watched them.

<~~>

Aziraphale liked braiding his hair. The angel was always touching it. Crowley had made it grow so that when he looked in the mirror, he didn't see the person that had been _used_. The worst was his glasses. They reminded him of it every time he saw his reflection. He was _filthy._ He flicked off his glasses, crumpled them in his hands and let them fall to the bedroom floor. He'd always hidden behind dark glasses. He had been shielded, but that protection was just an illusion. Crowley lashed out, shattering the mirror on the dressing room table.

Aziraphale rushed in at the sound of breaking glass. “What happened? Are you alright?”

Of course he wasn't alright, how could he be bloody alright after what had happened to him? “It lies.” He said, pushing out of the room. Aziraphale looked between the broken mirror and shades and Crowley's retreating form. He rushed after him. Crowley was heading to the stairs that led to the bookshop.

“Crowley...”

“Why do you waste your time?” He huffed without turning around.

“Waste my time?”

Crowley spun around, stopping on one of the stairs. “On _me_?!”

“Crowley.” Aziraphale put his hand on his hips. “You are not a waste of time.”

“We thought we were so clever.” Crowley barked out a laugh. “Ha! _I_ was stupid. I couldn't even do anything. I tried to fight them off, but they prepared. Had a Devils Trap. All I could do was lie there.” He shook his head, his voice small. “I couldn't _do_ anything.”

Aziraphale walked down the steps to him. “They were a bad angel. They did bad things. Things no one deserves.”

Crowley's hands shook. He was so angry. “I fought back... I did. But it wasn't enough.” He swallowed. “And they said there are _more._ What if they do this again? I can't live through that again. I _can't.”_ He took a shallow breath. “And fuck, what if they do it to you?”

“Let's focus on right now.” Aziraphale said calmly. “We can't control what happens in the future.”

That didn't seem to reassure Crowley. “What happening right now? What's happening right now is that a demon that's been forced out of Hell is in the flat of an angel that's been cast out of Heaven. The two of us, on our own.” Crowley sat down on the staircase. “The two of us on our own. That should have been nice. It's what I've always wanted. But I'm just a mess now.”

Aziraphale sat down on the step above him. “You're going to be okay one day.”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “Sure.” He drawled sarcastically.

“No.” Aziraphale touched Crowley's shoulder. “Listen to me now, Love. You survived. You made it through Hell. You lived through each thing they used to try and break you. You're not broken.”

“I'm not?” Crowley scoffed. “Sure feels like it.”  
“You shattered. But then you pulled the pieces of yourself together again. You rebuild. And you're going to keep getting better. It's not a smooth road, it's not a straight line.” Aziraphale brushed the hair out of his face and tucked it behind his ear. “There is still so much left for us to figure out. But we're going to do it together.” He offered Crowley his hand. “Back at the Ritz, we toasted to the world. _You_ are my world. And what happened doesn't change that.”

Crowley couldn't stop the tears that flowed down his cheeks. “I do feel _so_ broken, Angel. I don't know how to get through this. I'm scared.”

Aziraphale held Crowley's hand to his chest. “Do you trust me?”

“Course I do.” He met Aziraphale's eyes. There was so much love there.

“Then trust me when I say we'll get through this.”

Crowley pulled at the roots of his hair in frustration. “S'not fair to you.”

“Why's that dearest?”

“Cause.” Crowley shrugged. “You didn't sign up for any of this.”

Aziraphale looked at him oddly. “I didn't? I thought I'd made it very clear that I was here for us. From the very first day you spoke to me in Eden, we've been hurtling towards this. I love you, Crowley.”

“You don't.” Crowley waved his arm. “You love a version of me that I can't ever be again.”

“No.” Aziraphale cupped his chin and made him look back at the angel. “I love you now. Just as you are.”

“How can you? I can't even look in the mirror without feeling sick. God herself didn't love me.” He wrapped his arms around himself. “How can you love me still? _I_ can't even love myself.”

“I can't claim to speak for God. I'm not of Heaven anymore, and even when I was, we both know I was a rubbish angel.” He nudged Crowley's shoulder, trying to make him a joke of it. “No, I cannot speak for her. Nor can you speak for me. And I speak the truth. I love you. And if I'm the only being in the entire universe who does, than so be it. I'll love you enough for the both of us. I'll love you enough for the both of us until you can love yourself again.”

He couldn't find any words to respond to that declaration. Crowley leaned over and put his head on Aziraphale's legs. It was an awkward move, but his body made it happen. He could feel himself melting away, shifting forms. Aziraphale pet his scales, picking him up from the staircase and wrapping him around himself.

<~~>

Aziraphale was a cuddler, he learned. He'd always ask, but he also would welcome Crowley into his arms anytime. Crowley's favorite way to spend the evening was wrapped up in Aziraphale's arms as he held onto a book, reading aloud to his angel. Aziraphale claimed it was better than any audio book. Crowley countered that the angel hated audio-books, and therefore, by default, of course he would enjoy this more. “Nope.” Aziraphale kissed the top of his head. “Holding you while you read to me, you don't get that kind of joy from an audio-book. You, my dear, are spectacular.”

Crowley turned around, wrapping his arms around Aziraphale's neck, book falling and he pressed an awkward kiss to Aziraphale's mouth.

“Oh!” Crowley pulled back. “I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me!”

Aziraphale cupped his head pulling him back, kissing again.

Crowley melted into the kiss, relishing the feeling of their lips sliding together. He broke away, panting. “We never talked about this.”

“I didn't know you wanted it. I didn't want to force you into human things. It was enough to be with you, here.”

Crowley whimpered. “Fuck do I want this. I want you, Angel. Always have.”

“I don't want to hurt you though. Those burns.” Aziraphale sighed. “Maybe I've been on Earth long enough that the humanity has gotten to me.”

“We'll experiment. Find out what works for us.” Crowley promised. “But I don't think any part of you could hurt me. I've _been_ you. If they couldn't tell it was me upstairs and not you, then I don't think that any part of you could harm me.” He surged forward, hungrily kissing Aziraphale. It was Crowley who deepened the kiss, brushing his tongue along Aziraphale's lips.

The angel pulled back.

“Zira, _please._ Let me try. We'll start out slow.”

Aziraphale pressed their foreheads together. “If anything hurts, even a little, you tell me. Promise me.”

“I promise.” He kissed Aziraphale. Softly at first, and this time, when he tried to deepen the kiss, Aziraphale let him. Aziraphale didn't do much other than open his mouth, he let Crowley explore, brush their tongues together.

“Anything?” Aziraphale pulled back?

“I don't feel any burning. Last time I felt it when they were kissing me back. Try that.”

They did, he sucked on Aziraphale's tongue in his mouth. It was wet and squishy, but no burning. “Nothing.” He adjusted how he was sitting, to get a better angle. Crowley broke the kiss. Aziraphale pushed up to kiss him again. He moaned into the kiss. “I've been wanting to do that for the last 6,000 years.” he panted. “And it's just as good as I had hoped.

Aziraphale pushed him backward on the couch, kissing him again.

“Wait! Stop!”

Aziraphale did instantly. “What's wrong?”

“I don't think I liked _that_ , being on my back. Being pushed.” Crowley closed his eyes and thumped his head a few times on the couch cushions, “That's particularly annoying because I had always thought you'd be really good at that sort of thing. Giving orders and making sure they were obeyed.”

“It's like you said, we'll find what works for us.” Aziraphale cupped his cheek. “I love you, dear.”

Crowley opened his eyes. “Switch with me, lie down on the couch.” They shifted themselves so Crowley was on top.

“Better?”

“I think so.” Crowley bent down to kiss him again. Snogging was splendid. It was wet and messy, desperate, sloppy, and oh so human.

“Crowley, Crowley.” Aziraphale breathed his name like it worship.

“Zira,” he panted back. Crowley didn't need to breathe, but he felt breathless. He pulled back after another kiss.

“So this then, this is good?” Aziraphale studied him carefully.

“So good, Angel.” He lowered his forehead to touch Aziraphale's and closed his eyes. “So good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you may have noticed another chapter got added to the final count. That's because I this chapter was about 3,000 words and I had another 2,000 written to wrap things up. And I thought it'd be better to break those chapters up instead of having one super long chapter. So I'll probably put the rest up on Wednesday, Central Time Zone


	3. Wrap up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It never ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I a day later than I planned.

Aziraphale stuck to his guns. He went about this slowly. They kissed sometimes. Had some right proper snogs. But Aziraphale was content to let Crowley set the pace.

Crowley liked being able to stop when he needed to. He enjoyed what they had. Some nights Crowley would even snuggle with him in the tub, as long as he was either on the bottom holding on to Aziraphale, or draped lazily across Aziraphale's legs in the water as a snake. Aziraphale, though he might have been softer to sit on, the position was too close to being held down. It made him panic.

<~>

Crowley looked around the room main room of the bookshop, seeking his angel. “Sale?” He asked, seeing the sign over the table. “What are you having a sale for?” He draped himself across Aziraphale's back, hugging his neck.

“Spring cleaning.” Aziraphale placed books carefully on the table, lining up each one just right.

“It's not spring.” Crowley laughed. Aziraphale did love to see him laugh, he threw his head back in mirth and his eye crinkled lovely.

“Regardless, it's getting too full in here.” Aziraphale explained. “I've been picking through and putting away anything I don't want to part with.”

Crowley laughed again. “Doesn't that defeat the purpose of your 'spring cleaning'?”

Aziraphale touched Crowley's hands. “Not at all. I have books that are mine, and books that I'm just holding on to until I find them the right home. This is a bookshop after all.”

“No, really?” Crowley teased. “I thought it was a library.”

“Very funny, dearest.” Aziraphale kept working his way through the table. Crowley seemed content to just hang around, but in his human form this time. Aziraphale was happy to see him in the shop, especially interacting with customers. It was progress.  
<~>

It was later that afternoon. Sales always drew in people. Usually it was regulars, but some people stopped in, drawn by the sign in the window. There were four people in the shop that Crowley didn't recognize, which might have been a new record. He was getting good at recognizing the people who shopped there. The bell on the front door jangled. He turned to look at the new person to size them up and see if he needed to give them a nudge to stay away from Aziraphale's favorite books.

He'd never forget that face. It was burned into his brain. Images flashed across his mind. Curly hair. Tanned skin. White teeth and an angel hiding under his flesh.

David spotted the sale table and made his way over, looking at things with interest.

Crowley stood there, he couldn't breathe.

David was looking at him. He must have made an awkward picture, hovering, staring. “Excuse me.” The human looked at him. “You look familiar. Have I seen you before?”

Crowley's face went white as a sheet. He couldn't breathe.

“You Need to L _eave.”_ Aziraphale put his will into the words. “All of you, _Out_!”

Crowley didn't even know Aziraphale was there.

His hands were shaking as Aziraphale locked up the shop and led him into the back room.

“What's wrong, my dearest?” He guided Crowley onto the sofa and sat down on the other side. Crowley was on him in an instant, wrapping his arms around him. He cried hard for a few moments, Aziraphale petting his hair and trying to soothe him.

“That was him!” Crowley sobbed into his shoulder. “Satan's Arse, I knew he was here in London, but I didn't think I'd ever run into him again!”

“Well, I'll take care of it.” Aziraphale assured him.

“No!!” Crowley scrubbed at his face with his sleeve. “It's not the humans fault!”

“I'll simply put the idea into his head that he'd rather live somewhere else. Perhaps a new job opportunity will open up.”

Crowley's shoulders drooped. “I hate this. Every time I think it's going to be okay, I get knocked right back on my arse.”

“It will be okay, one day.”

“Not soon enough. It's been months!” He exclaimed.

“Months are nothing!” Aziraphale touched his knee. “You and I both, time means different things to us than the humans. Even if it took 1,000 years before you felt safe, I'd still be here. It's always been you, Crowley. And we're going to get through this, however long it takes.”

Crowley dashed at the tears on his cheeks. “Will you just hold me?”

“Of course.”

Crowley clambered up into his lap, settling into his 'safe' hug, he sat sideways across Aziraphale's lap, almost like he was being bridal carried. Aziraphale rested one hand on Crowley's knee, the other on his shoulder, and called his wings out, covering them both.

They stayed like that for hours. Until Crowley had cried himself into an exhausted sleep and Aziraphale gently carried him upstairs to the bedroom. He went back down to the shop. He had some work to do.

<~>

It was only a couple weeks later that Aziraphale felt the presence of Heaven nearby. He was in his shop. But that presence, it felt like it was closer to-

“Crowley.” He dashed up the stairs, not even bothering to lock the front door. He threw open the door to the flat, and saw Gabriel standing over Crowley

“You leave him alone!” Aziraphale stood, looking fierce. He needed a sword and so one made itself, burning with the power of his soul. He held the blade out towards Gabriel.

Gabriel held up his hands. “I just overheard something in Heaven. Something unpleasant, so I'm trying to investigate it myself to see how to handle it.”

Crowley stared at Aziraphale his eyes wide and snaked out. He was terrified of the archangel.

“And this concerns us how?”

“I think you know.”

Aziraphale held out his sword. “You are not welcome in our home.” He said fiercely. “None of you are.”

“Look, Aziraphale, I know we're not on great terms, but would you really use that?” He waved to Aziraphale's sword

“I will. I'd fight all of Heaven off. You know where I stand.” He took a step closer, taking a fighting stance. “Now _get out_ before I use this.”

Gabriel disappeared.

“Fucking shit.” Crowley scrambled over to Aziraphale. Aziraphale dropped the sword and hugged Crowley tightly. “You're okay dear.”

“What's that then?” Crowley said after a moment. He looked at the sword. “It's burning, like your old one. Looks different though. Less solid.

“I think I made it. Somehow.”

“It does feel like you.” Crowley bent down, putting his hand out. “It's hot. Doesn't look hot. Those flames are rather ghostly. And kinda glow-y, but it burns.”

Aziraphale picked it up to study it. “Well, at least I have something to defend us with. He'll be back, no doubt.”

“Fuck me.” Crowley groaned. “Why?”

“It'll be for the best if you stick close to me for the time being. I don't want any unexpected visitors when you're not by my side for me to keep watch.

<~>

“Jesus Tapdancing Christ!” Crowley exclaimed when he turned around and Gabriel was _right there._ He and Aziraphale had practically been glued at the hip for a few weeks, he wasn't quite sure why he was he and Aziraphale wasn't.

“I'm just here to talk!” Gabriel held up his hands to show he wasn't a threat.

Crowley took a step back and hit the wall, his eyes wide. He swallowed in fear.

“I wanted to talk to you without Aziraphale. I _need_ answers.”

Crowley felt the solid wall behind him. Gabriel was an archangel. He was just a lowly demon. And he had nothing to protect himself with. Sure he could use hellfire, but there wasn't any of that here.

“I'd rather not talk to you. Like at all.” Stall. That was all he could do. Stall and hope Aziraphale would feel something wrong and save him.

“I understand that. I just have to clear up a few things, and then you two are on your own.”

Crowley made a break for it. He had to get out of here. Gabriel caught him, they tussled, and Gabriel slammed him to the ground.

“Stop fighting, demon!” He pinned Crowley to the ground. And Crowley lost it. He tried to tear away, tried to shift, tried to do anything to get free, but he couldn't.

“Let me go!” He begged. He couldn't do this. Not again. “Please!” He was so old and tired, but he felt small. Aziraphale wasn't here. “I'll do whatever you want, just please don't hurt Aziraphale.” Crowley sobbed.

“I told you, I just want to talk.” Gabriel told Crowley. “I had to put some real work into getting Aziraphale away from you and keeping him there. He isn't willing to listen to reason.”

Crowley tried to control his breathing. His mind was shutting down. All he could feel was pure terror.

Gabriel took a minute to look at him. “What's this?” He flicked his hand, Crowley's top gone.

“Get off, stop it!” His body revolted. Gabriel kept him pinned down. He dug his fingers into the bite mark scar on Crowley's shoulder. His fingers went under the skin, delving deeper until they came away with a small bit of essence, a tiny fragment his body had healed over. Gabriel looked at it, then down at Crowley.

“They were telling the truth then.” He breathed and took in Crowley again. He shot up.

Crowley scrambled away from the angel, breathing hard.

“The fuck did you just do to me?”

“I just took something out that shouldn't have been there in the first place.

Crowley covered the scar with his fingers. The skin was unbroken. It didn't hurt for once.

“Is that what you wanted?!” Crowley cowered on the floor. He wasn't proud of it, but he was so scared.

Gabriel looked up. “Here comes Aziraphale.”

“Zira?” Crowley looked across the flat. Aziraphale was indeed storming up the stairs, holding his glowing sword, looking absolutely livid.

“I told you already, you are _not_ welcome in our home.” Aziraphale brandished the sword at him.

“I'm leaving.” He told Aziraphale

“You are?” Crowley looked up in shock.

“I do believe I need answers from those upstairs. Especially the owner of this.” He held up the small pebble of a soul.

A cap of thunder and he was gone.

Aziraphale rushed over to him. “Are you okay?”

“Shit, I think so.” He felt his shoulder. “That thing was inside me? That's why it hurt so much?” He rushed over to the small rubbish bin and threw up. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He sobbed. “Why does this keep getting dragged out?”

Aziraphale rubbed his back and waved away the mess in the bin.

Crowley grabbed his hand. “He's going to come back, isn't he.”

“Probably. I will try my best to put stronger wards up around the shop.”

“Oh, this is never going to be over.” Crowley sobbed.

<~>

Gabriel did come back, though this time he used the front door.

“Get out.” Aziraphale summoned his glowing sword. He was tired of this game. He swung hard at Gabriel. The angel just barely managed to summon his own weapon and block him. Crowley could barely follow the strikes that Aziraphale made, Gabriel blocking each one.

'Aziraphale, I'm trying to prevent a war, isn't that what you two are about?”

Aziraphale paused his strikes.

Crowley looked at him uncertainly. “A war?”

“Another Rebellion in Heaven.”

“What, another Fall?” Crowley scoffed in disbelief.

“No.” Gabriel said simply. “Those who are found guilty will have their energy released back into the universe.”

“You're putting them to death!” Crowley exclaimed. “Over me?”

“Consider it more like recycling. New life will come from it. What they did is a crime Heaven will not stand for. You are our brother still, even though you have fallen.”

“And what do you expect us to do?” Aziraphale narrowed his eyes.

“I want to see his memories.” Gabriel pointed at Crowley

Crowley pulled back. “My Memories?!”

“I need more proof.”

“You're going to make him relive it to get your evidence?” Aziraphale held his sword up again. “No you won't. I will burn Heaven and Hell to the ground to protect Crowley, if that's what it takes.”

“Just that one?” Crowley spoke up meekly from behind Aziraphale. They both looked at him. “Just that one Memory?” He asked louder.

Aziraphale turned around to face him better. “Crowley, no.”

Crowley swallowed, Looking to Gabriel. “You want your evidence, you give us something in return.”

“Like what?”

“Alone. We want to be left alone.” He pushed past Aziraphale. “You get your proof and then you make sure we're left alone.”

“Deal.”

“Shake on it.”

Crowley looked back at Aziraphale and then moved towards Gabriel. “So How's this work? You going to pull some sort of Vulcan Mind Meld junk?”

Gabriel took his hand and shook it. “Something like that.

And then the room exploded. He was back there. That night, in the David's flat. “Oh.” He could feel himself start hyperventilating. “It's just a memory.' He told himself. And then there they were. He watched himself try to fight, and he felt sick.

'j _ust close your eyes and pretend it's not happening. It'll be over soon._ '

But he couldn't close his eyes. He couldn't look away. Gabriel was watching on another level, his eyes shining, looking at their souls. Crowley was here alone. Watching himself.

' _this is for Aziraphale. Just a little longer._ ' He walked closer to the bed, watched himself stuck in the devil's trap and cried. The Crowley in his memory cried as well. Crowley reached out and touched the ghostly image, his hand going through it.

It was just a memory.

Crowley closed his eyes and stumbled backwards. He couldn't do this.

_Fuck fuck fuck._

He tripped over his own feet and fell to the ground. He threw up and sobbed. And then Gabriel was there, calming him down.

“Did you get it?” He wiped at his mouth. “Whatever you were looking for?”

“Yes.” He hesitated. “I need to see all of it. To see if they say more.”

Crowley looked to the ground, tears in his eyes. “Fine. Go do what you need.” _Aziraphale. This is for Aziraphale._

Finally Gabriel stopped the memory. Memory Crowley was laying on the bed, not moving; tears frozen on Crowley's ghostly skin, and the real Crowley looked away. “That's it.” He twisted his hair. “That's everything. Are we done?

“Yes.”

“You're going to show the others, aren't you?”

“The other archangels. I have to.”

Crowley closed his eyes, resigned. “Then take us back.” He growled.

Gabriel drew his fingers down, snapping.

They were back in the sitting room, and Crowley threw himself at Aziraphale, sobbing. Aziraphale juggled the sword in his hands, wrapping his wings around Crowley's trembling form.

“I think I have everything I need.”

“Then go.” Aziraphale pointed with his sword, “Hold up your end of the deal.”

Gabriel looked like he was going to say something to them, then decided not to. He was gone in a bolt.

Crowley sank to the floor.

“Dearest.” He wrapped his wings around Crowley again, the protective little bubble Crowley prefered around them.

“I didn't deserve that.” Crowley said shakily. “What they did to me. I didn't deserve it.”

“You didn't.” Aziraphale assured him. “...What are you thinking?”

Crowley brushed his face off with the back of his hand and sniffled. “Aziraphale.” he closed his eyes. “I don't know...” He pulled his legs to his chest. “I should be angry, seeing what they did to me. I should be pissed that I had to relive it. But I'm just sad and tired. 'recycling?' Can I have that on my conscious? Are we to play at God now?”

“Angel's and Demons have free will. If they _fall_ , what will they do?”

“They'll be a much better demon than me, for one.”

“Exactly.” Aziraphale sighed. “People will be hurt.”

“Why exactly haven't they _fallen_ yet?” Crowley sniffled and rested his chin on his knees. “Is it because _I_ don't matter?”

“Perhaps the _fall_ was a one time ordeal.” Aziraphale mused. “Heaven had a war first, remember? Maybe _falling_ is something that happens after a war. Regardless, They will be taken care of. You won't have to be afraid to go outside anymore. We can put this behind us.”

“Seeing that again though, I feel all broken up again. I wasn't in pain anymore. It was clearer.”

“You were starting to heal before this. The scab got pulled off, but it will mend itself again.

“Promise?”

“I promise. And I'll be right here by your side, as long as it takes. I'll be here forever. I love you, and I'm never going to stop.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I left this kind of open ended. Aziraphale and Crowley don't WANT to know. They just want to be left alone.

**Author's Note:**

> More comfort on the other side. The next chapter will be plenty of fluff to make up for this.


End file.
